The Crowning Glories of Jane Austen
by Writer-in-the-making16
Summary: Jane Austen pays homage to her girls the only way one can in the 21st century-through karaoke! Featuring Lizzie Bennet, Emma Woodhouse, Elinor "Ellie" Dashwood, Marianne Dashwood, Catherine "Katie" Morland, Anne Elliot, and Fanny Price. Special Guest Appearance by Anne Hathaway as Jane Austen...Part Two of the Crackity-Crack Scripts Series.


Yes, I am still aboard the crack train! And no, this wasn't inspired by Tumblr-this actually came to me when I was in the shower. Strangely enough, I get a lot of my ideas there.

I promise I have better stuff coming along, it's just that I've been busy with college, and school, and tests, and weird ideas like this one that won't leave my brain until I've written them down. So, just bear with me a little longer, okay?

And one more thing: the end note is not to be taken seriously. This is all for the sake of stupid comedy.

Inspired by "Your Crowning Glory" from The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement. Link: watch?v=w9An1jqHT6k

Disclaimer: The Princess Diaries belong to Disney. Jane Austen is public domain.

* * *

_**It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a beloved literary heroine who has been married six* times to her true love, must have her creator present for such festivities. So when the current incarnation of Miss Elizabeth Bennet asked for Miss Jane Austen to attend her engagement party, she readily accepted the invitation. However, things did not go quite as they had in previous years….**_

* * *

Scene - the foyer of the Darcys' home in San Francisco, California. Somewhere in 2015.

[Fade in]

[The scene opens upon a great room littered with balloons, gift wrappings and empty champagne bottles. Marianne Dashwood is standing on a makeshift stage finishing up a round of karaoke while the other Austen Heroines look on. Jane Austen sits primly in her chair with a cup of tea and an amused look on her face]

[Final chords of "Somebody to Love" by Queen]

**Marianne**: _"Can anybody find meeeeee….Somebody tooooo….loooooovvve!"_

[The girls applaud Marianne's performance]

**Marianne**: Thank you, thank you! (bows)

[Marianne leaves the "stage" and sits down beside her sister Ellie Dashwood. Lizzie Bennet gets up and takes her place]

**Lizzie**: Ok guys, so before we wrap up the party, I just want to thank you all again for coming out tonight. And for the absolutely *fabulous* wedding gifts. (motions to a table laden with opened presents) William and I appreciate the gesture.

[Shouts and whoops are heard, something like "You're welcome Lizzie!" and "Congrats again!" and "Why the hell do you get the most adaptations!?"-probably Fanny Price]

**Lizzie**: And now, to end our little show, if we all give her a shout-out, Miss Austen will sing us a song.

**Jane Austen**: Thank you, but no.

[Pleading from the girls, "Oh please?" and "Please please please?" and even "Pretty please Janey?"]

**Jane Austen**: Regency-era ladies do not partake in karaoke. Perhaps young women in the 21st century may do so, but for myself…

**Lizzie**: Jane, c'mon, what about the song you sang at our Pride & Prejudice 200th birthday celebration? Everyone loved that.

**Jane Austen**: We had proper music for that occasion. Besides, none of your current incarnations are capable of playing the pianoforte.

[Anne Elliot grabs a clear CD case from her bag and holds it up]

**Anne**: I took it upon myself to make a recording so that you could sing along.

[Lizzie gets a mischievous twinkle in her eye and motions for the girls to help her out]

**Lizzie**: (clapping) Jane! Jane, Jane, Jane…

**Austen Heroines**: Jane! Jane! Jane! Jane!

[Giving in to the demands of her unruly heroines, Jane Austen gives a wave of her hand and sets aside her cup of tea. Anne heads over to the fancy-schmancy sound system and pops in the CD]

**Jane Austen**: "Some girls are fair, some are jolly and fit…"

[Soft piano music starts]

_Some have a well-bred air_

_or a well-honed wit_

_Each one's a jewel_

_with a singular shine_

_a work of art_

_with it's own rare design_

[Jane Austen moves about the room as she sings, acknowledging each one of her creations until she's on stage beside Lizzie]

_Dear little girls,_

_you are terribly blessed_

_But it's your hearts of gold_

_I love the best_

_And that will be your crowning glory_

_your whole life through_

_It'll always be your crowning glory_

[with Lizzie]_ The most glorious part of you_

[A sudden pop-beat cuts off the piano]

[The girls let out another whooping cheer. Jane Austen looks up in fright]

**Jane Austen**: (to Lizzie) What did you do!?

**Lizzie**: Well, I might have tweaked it a *little* on my computer.

**Jane Austen**: (flails arms exasperatedly) But I don't know how to do this sort of thing!

[Lizzie motions over to Emma Woodhouse. Emma runs up on stage and stands on the other side of Jane]

**Emma**: Don't worry Jane! Just follow us and sing!

**Jane Austen**:

_Some men can waltz_

**Lizzie**:

_Some guys can groove_

**Jane Austen**:

_Strike an elegant pose_

**Emma**:

_With the really hip clothes_

**Jane Austen**:

_Some seem to have no faults_

**Lizzie**:

_But we never like those_

**Jane Austen**:

_No we don't_

**Emma**:

_He'll praise your eyes_

**Jane Austen**:

_Your melodious laugh [ha ha]_

**All Three**:

_Call you more lovely than others by half_

**Jane Austen**:

_The one who's right_

**Lizzie**:

_My one true love_

**Jane Austen**:

_Will be honest and true_

**Emma**:

_He'll believe in me too_

**Jane Austen**: (gathering her arms around Lizzie and Emma)

_And prize your hearts of gold the way I do_

**All Three**:

_He'll know that will be your crowning glory your whole life through_

_Your love will see that it's your crowning glory_

_The most glorious part of you_

**Jane Austen**:

[to Ellie]_ and you_

**Emma**:

[to Fanny]_ and you_

**Jane Austen**:

[to Katie Morland]_ and you_

**Katie**: (put her hand to her chest) Me?

[Jane and Emma motion for Katie to come on stage]

[Katie eagerly gets up and starts showing off her crazy dance moves. This is accompanied by yet another around of female shouts and cheers and, well, you get the idea]

**Austen Heroines**: Whoo! Go Katie! Go Katie! Go Katie!

**Everyone**: (dancing like nobody's business)

_That will be your crowning glory_

_Darling when they tell your story_

_They'll call your heart of gold your crowning glory_

_The most glorious part of you_

[Fade out to music]

**End**

* * *

*"Six Times" refers to the number of P&P adaptations that Miss Austen recognizes: the original novel, the 1940 & 2005 feature films, the 1980 & 1995 miniseries, and the 2004 Bollywood film. The Lizzie Bennet Diaries makes this the seventh time Lizzy has married/hooked up with Mr. Darcy.

Miss Austen does not recognize "Bridget Jones' Diary" or "Lost in Austen" as true adaptations of P&P, on accounts that the former was based off of another book that ripped off her idea, and the latter serves as pointless fan-service to Mr. Darcy-obsessed fangirls and destroys her OTP.


End file.
